I’m pretty sure we’re breaking up.
It’s been a long time coming.
The thing is we have a child between us.
Himself.
Which means just like divorced parents, we’ll always be connected.
But we’ll need to find new ways of relating beyond the swiftly outdated dance of dependence & provision.
Extracting two beings from we who had once been one.
Inside this never-ending flow of love & letting go.
Our community came together one day in June to raise the frame of our home–along with 3-year-old Aidan who spent the day hammering nails into the floorboards of what would be our kitchen; and 8-year-old Lloyd who knelt beside his preschool & primary teachers laying down the floor to what would become his bedroom; and Casey, age 38, who lifted beams with friends & family (and even strangers) to realize a dream come true; and me, age 40, who never had the chance to live in one place very long and who climbed the frame at the end of the day and tapped an evergreen branch to its peak while everyone cheered below.
14 years have passed.
14 Christmases.
14 wedding anniversaries.
14 winters & springs.
14 summers.
14 autumns.
Over the years, Casey spoke of needing an addition—the living room was always too small; but I countered that the boys would be gone someday and the house was already too large for two.
“Someday” has somehow arrived.
What was “raised” to be a home for 4, becomes a home for 2 at the end of summer—which is almost as unfathomable as building this home for ur family once was.
I’ve either done something right or terribly wrong.
Our very first vacuum was an Electrolux from our Wedding Registry, 1990. It was with us through our move to Vermont, through the birth of two kids, and into the home we built together.
Our oldest was 15 & youngest 10 when we had to replace our old pal. The kids were ecstatic. I was alarmed.
Should kids be this happy about a new vacuum?
Did this mean they were too involved in housekeeping?
Or were their lives unduly deprived of new things?
We did lead a very frugal life. I did expect them to be full participants in caring for the home we shared. Maybe I had gone too far.
Fast forward 7 years…
We’ve been without a vacuum for over a month now. It’s the second time this new Electrolux has stopped working. My husband and our youngest have been in a stalemate over how to move forward.
Repair–for this machine whose life was a quarter of that of its predecessor; or
Replace–and with what? Another Electrolux? Something new?
My husband wanted to play it safe.
Our son, the high school engineer wanted something technologically advanced.
I finally intervened.
“He only has a few months left at home,” I said, “Let him have this.”
“Exactly,” my husband said. “Why should we get the vacuum he wants when he’s leaving.
The Dyson V7 HEPA arrived today. The moment I messaged him, Aidan wanted to leave school.
When he walked through the door at the end of the day, he went right to the boxes (which I had to promise that I would not open without him) and he began unpacking, affectionately examining each piece, and bringing them to me, one by one, to illustrate the technology and the design (are those two different things?), and particularly the interlocking components.
It looks like a Cuisinart to me.
I will never be able to operate it.
But right now I’m headed to my husband’s yoga class and by the time I get home, no doubt I’ll have clean floors again.
The Empty Nest Diary 