Posted in Fragile Life, Insight, Takes a Village, Teens, Violence in the home

Would Father Have Used Facebook and a Gun to Teach his SON a Lesson?

from layoutsparks.com

It’s Valentines Day, and I wish I wasn’t  festering over people applauding a man who shot his teenager’s computer to teach her a lesson; but I can’t help myself.

Maybe Valentines is a perfect day to rant about the nature of LOVE.

Love is not boastful.

Love is not proud.

Love does not videotape himself wearing a Stetson with a stogie in his mouth as he unloads a pistol into a laptop.

But I’m not writing about that today. I wrote about that yesterday. And yes, I know it wasn’t a Stetson, but he wished it was.

What would he have worn if it was his son?

Given Mr. Jordan’s machismo, he might have though twice about publicly humiliating his testosterone-driven offspring. The tragic results of those kind of father-son “lessons” make regular news.

Which brings me to another beef I have with those who claim that this was a case of a child learning respect. As a lifelong educator, I will now turn to the dictionary to address this gross misunderstanding of the word in question:

respect |riˈspekt|
noun
1 a feeling of deep admiration for someone;
• the state of being admired in such a way;
• due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others: respect for human rights.

Perhaps Mr. Jordan’s daughter respects his aim, his camera presence, and even his follow through with a threat; and maybe that’s all he was after; but my guess is that he wanted his actions to create within her: “due regard for the feelings, wishes, and rights of others,” and this alas, is best taught without a weapon.

Commenters on my original post: a Rebuttal to a Father who used Facebook to Teach His Daughter a Lesson, took issue with the focus on the gun. “It could have been a bat or a set of stairs,” said one. (He also accused me of being a peace-loving pansy and a drinker of Mochachinos.)

And it’s true, both a bat and a set of stairs could have been the tool of retaliation and humiliation; but I’m moving on from that focus to the more insidious act of Mr. Jordan’s intimidation.

A gun is designed for killing.  That’s a plain fact.  And a revealing one at that.

Would Mr. Jordan still be a hero if he had done this to his son? Would others applaud him? Would they still call his action “love”? And would he be alive to claim it?

And how will Mr. Jordan feel when his daughter marries a man who teaches her to respect her husband in the same way?

Kelly Salasin, Valentines Day 2012

Link to Part I: Rebuttal to Dad Who Used Facebook to “Teach His Daughter a Lesson”

Link to Part III: Dear Mr. Jordan & Other Parents Frustrated with Teens & Chores

Part IV. Father Who Used FB to Teach His Daughter A Lesson: A Human Rights Issue

Part V. Parenting Without Power (or a gun)

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Author:

Lifelong educator, writer, yoga & yogadance instructor.

13 thoughts on “Would Father Have Used Facebook and a Gun to Teach his SON a Lesson?

  1. First of all, you say you haven’t seen the video, so I think a lot of your thoughts are based on blind assumptions. But honestly, I think you should watch it, and read some of the follow up. I really think that if you truly kept an open mind, you’d be pleasantly surprised and inspired

    The father comes across as a caring father who is deeply hurt by his daughter’s words on Facebook. And just to be clear, she didn’t say anything worse than what many teenagers probably say to their friends, but they are things any parent who is trying to do right by their child would be extremely hurt to hear. The father, pretty calmly reads his daughter’s letter, rebuts it, then shoots the laptop. His main point is, since she chooses to use Facebook to humiliate him, he is going to use the same medium.

    Anyone saying that the gun is used as a tool of intimidation, must immediately think that anyone who owns a gun, is violent. There is nothing in the video to suggest he’d ever use it to hurt his daughter, in fact his obvious sense of responsibility suggests quite the opposite. He could have used any means of destroying the computer, or simply given it away, and his message wouldn’t have changed. The only thing that would change is the way other people CHOOSE to take it. He only used the gun, because he had commented to her in the past that he wanted to shoot the laptop, so it was appropriate. What I really don’t understand, is you bringing up the topic of violence against women. His video not only in no way suggests that he in anyway thinks that he needs to exert control over her because she is a woman. In fact, he talks to her of how her disrespectful words showed “a lack of repeat for herself”.

    You say,
    “And how will Mr. Jordan feel when his daughter marries a man who teaches her to respect her husband in the same way?
    I think the answer to that is that he would probably have a problem should her husband feel the need to “discipline” her, however as her parent, that is something he is SUPPOSED to do. But the gun wasn’t really relevant in the punishment. It is only so sensation al and relevant because the PUBLIC has made it out to be so,

    I really think you should look at Mr. Jordan’s Facebook,

    and better yet, his response and update on this link

    http://www.litefm.com/pages/news-story.html?feed=421220&article=9744152

    He talks of how Hannah is more resilient and able to deal with the situation than many adults are, how they are dealing with the media attention as a family, and it is evident that they support one another and actually have a humorous outlook on the whole thing. Here is something he says about her:
    “While the whole point of this story isn’t funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasn’t let it (or people’s comments) destroy her strength. I don’t get any credit for that. She’s strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.”

    If that doesn’t show you that he respects her, and is not trying to intimidate her, then you are refusing to see the story for what it is.

    I’m not too sure why all the comments criticizing Mr. Jordan bother me so much, but I think it’s that I’ve followed him a bit since then, and he seems like one of the most humble genuine people out there, yet people feel the need to judge him while really not knowing the whole story. People have their own styles of parenting, but the judgmental nature some want to show towards other people is quite sad.

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      1. Maybe the problem with them is not that they are scary despicable people, so much as they actually watched it, didn’t make blind assumptions. You’re judging them, without having any idea about what they are basing their opinions on, because like you said, you didn’t actually see it.

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  2. Conversation with my 16 year old daughter this morning. I didn’t even mention how I felt about that event, it came up cuz they were still laughing about it on the stupid radio program. Her immediate take on it was that the father was using intimidation to control his daughter and that the girl was probably terrified of him. Way to go dad.

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  3. I love that you are relentless Kelly… and never mean-spirited, even if sometimes you might want to be! Parts 1, 2 and 3 all make valid points and in the interest of bettering life for the next generation and thus for ourselves as well. They are well taken by me. Women are entitled to have and to use their voices! Namaste… for seeing and writing about the light, the wisdom and truth.

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  4. that question about her marrying a man who treats her like that brings up a great point. I supported him at first but after reading more responses questioning this i have to wonder if thats really how you should treat somebody you love?

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    1. I think the issue in that point, is that a parent would probably be bothered by their daughter marrying a man that chooses to “punish” her by any means. But as a parent, that is a necessary part of the job at times. I really didn’t see how the gun was anything in his video, besides a means of getting rid of the laptop. He certainly wasn’t using it to intimidate her, and has shown nothing but respect for her since the whole thing went viral.

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        1. Agreed the whole world is watching, this is what they think of us. Do any of you want… wait you do want the world to think this, and you don’t give a fuck. Well, I’m off to go to Japan or somewhere, where people actually use their fucking brains rather than just like it loop on white noise. I don’t want to live here anymore society is fucked with people who think that emotional abuse and such is okay…

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          1. Sadly, people around the world have applauded Mr. Jordan’s act; but alas, I think that the majority of us who find it appalling, aren’t engaged about it online because we don’t want anything to do with it.

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