Category: Nuts & Bolts

Posted in Insight, Nuts & Bolts, Teens

The Power of (Shared) Intentions

Posted on by Kelly (of rituals)
"Children with Laterns" Modersohn (visipix.com)

Each time my family sets an intention before taking action–or before making important decisions, we are delighted by the results–whether it’s planning a vacation or shaping our summer days together.

Connecting what we “do” with how we want to “be” is a powerful force of alignment. Sharing that with each other creates a healthy “container” of cooperation and support in the home.

The power of shared intention is at the heart of my upcoming workshop for Moms.  We’ll gather around my kitchen table to share our intentions for summer–and to explore our intended ways of “being” with our family.  This focus will drive our attention to the habits, routines and systems that support greater harmony in the home.

More specifically (though I know this may come as a shock to some):

  • boys can clean toilets

  • kids of all ages can do their own laundry, and

  • teens can CHOOSE to help rather than continually prioritize their own needs.

During our time together, I’ll share my full toolbox of ideas for organizing life and intention, and you’ll pick which tools to take home to support your family’s sense of harmony and cooperation–including the intention setting process (adapted for different age groups.)

CLICK HERE for more information on the next gathering.

Photo highlights of our latest family meeting:

Collage engages all ages in the intention setting process.

Dessert is another engager of all ages--especially when they plan it and prepare it just for this occasion!
Popcorn makes every meeting more fun!
Even 9 year olds can participate in recording goals for summer vacation.

Kelly Salasin

Posted in Nuts & Bolts, Teens

HALF! Day

Posted on by Kelly (of rituals)

My oldest son has today off while my younger son has a half-day mid-week.

In the early mothering years, these school-free days were precious gifts of connection.  At mid-life, however, I selfishly view them as invasions of my precious writing time.

At ten-thirty this morning, the 14 year old intruder arrives down the stairs asking for food.

“I’ll make you half a breakfast,” I say, without explaining why.

“Can you drive me to Matt’s after?” he asks, oblivious to anything I say beyond the words, Yes or No.

“I’ll drive you half-way,” I say, working to grab his flickering attention.

“Can I at least call and make plans?”  He asks, deaf to anything I say without the word, “Yes,” and perturbed at the obvious postponement of his urgent need for immediate gratification on simultaneous fronts.

“You can dial HALF the numbers,” I say, finally reaching the tipping point of his receptive ability with the English language.

“Mom! I don’t want to do HALF of anything,” he exclaims, falling into the trap of my brilliantly-crafted coup.

I’ve waited for this moment all morning.

At first, I was just going to hand him a list of all the things he left “half” done:  The recycling by the door (instead of in the car).  The library books at the top of the stairs (instead of by the door.)  The food left out on the counter;  etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc…

But in the hours between my waking and his, I tempered my angst and redirected it toward a more productive outcome than simply venting.

My new and improved plan was to shift the list making to him, requiring that he record all the things he left ‘half” done before I’d meet any of his requests.

However, as the morning hours passed, I realized that my thoughts were still steeped in negativity, and so, I revised my plan of action, again– deciding to place the focus of the list to the tasks that he had completed all the way, once he had done so.

By the time I heard him stirring upstairs, a stroke of parental genius led me to add the “half” twist to my whole presentation– so that when he uttered those slyly extracted words,

“Mom, I don’t want to do HALF of anything,”  I  was prepared with the dramatic delivery of:

“Oh… But you do so many things HALF way!”

I watched as his scowl transformed into a smile, and I knew:

He gets it.

Without another word from me, he turns to take the recycling ALL the way to the car, while I cook him up a FULL breakfast.

Kelly Salasin

To read more on kids & chores, click here.

Posted in Insight, Nuts & Bolts, Teens

The Necessity of Chores

Posted on by Kelly (of rituals)

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
~Abigail Van Buren

I’m feeling pretty radical about the necessity of chores these days–both for children and teens–but especially teens.  And not just to establish good habits or to build a work ethic, though those are worthy goals.

What I’m finding most important about chores for teens is the “grounding” aspect of them.

As a Let  Your Yoga Dance instructor, I see much of living in terms of “energy,” and in my experience, it’s the very first chakra that is linked to teens and chores.  The first chakra is described in this way by author/teacher, Anodea Judith:

Located at the base of the spine, the first chakra forms our foundation. It represents the element earth, and is therefore related to our survival instincts, and to our sense of grounding and connection to our bodies and the physical plane.

You don’t have to be a chakra expert to realize that a sense of grounding and connection is vital during the turbulent expansion of adolescence.

If your teen has a regular chore schedule, then you already know that his participation leads to connection, and that this connection leads to belonging, and that his sense of belonging creates greater harmony in the home.

Teens can be so prickly that many would rather leave them to their own rather than have the hassle around participation.  But I think the hassle is worth it–for both the teen and the family. Better yet, get these chore habits in place before your kids come of age, and then it’s pretty much auto pilot.

(More next time on establishing routines so that chores are hassle free–well, almost.)

To read more on teens and chores, click here.