Category: Teens

Posted in Fragile Life, Insight, Takes a Village, Teens, Violence in the home

Would Father Have Used Facebook and a Gun to Teach his SON a Lesson?

Posted on by Kelly (of rituals)
from layoutsparks.com

It’s Valentines Day, and I wish I wasn’t  festering over people applauding a man who shot his teenager’s computer to teach her a lesson; but I can’t help myself.

Maybe Valentines is a perfect day to rant about the nature of LOVE.

Love is not boastful.

Love is not proud.

Love does not videotape himself wearing a Stetson with a stogie in his mouth as he unloads a pistol into a laptop.

But I’m not writing about that today. I wrote about that yesterday. And yes, I know it wasn’t a Stetson, but he wished it was.

What would he have worn if it was his son?

Given Mr. Jordan’s machismo, he might have though twice about publicly humiliating his testosterone-driven offspring. The tragic results of those kind of father-son “lessons” make regular news.

Which brings me to another beef I have with those who claim that this was a case of a child learning respect. As a lifelong educator, I will now turn to the dictionary to address this gross misunderstanding of the word in question:

respect |riˈspekt|
noun
1 a feeling of deep admiration for someone;
• the state of being admired in such a way;
• due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others: respect for human rights.

Perhaps Mr. Jordan’s daughter respects his aim, his camera presence, and even his follow through with a threat; and maybe that’s all he was after; but my guess is that he wanted his actions to create within her: “due regard for the feelings, wishes, and rights of others,” and this alas, is best taught without a weapon.

Commenters on my original post: a Rebuttal to a Father who used Facebook to Teach His Daughter a Lesson, took issue with the focus on the gun. “It could have been a bat or a set of stairs,” said one. (He also accused me of being a peace-loving pansy and a drinker of Mochachinos.)

And it’s true, both a bat and a set of stairs could have been the tool of retaliation and humiliation; but I’m moving on from that focus to the more insidious act of Mr. Jordan’s intimidation.

A gun is designed for killing.  That’s a plain fact.  And a revealing one at that.

Would Mr. Jordan still be a hero if he had done this to his son? Would others applaud him? Would they still call his action “love”? And would he be alive to claim it?

And how will Mr. Jordan feel when his daughter marries a man who teaches her to respect her husband in the same way?

Kelly Salasin, Valentines Day 2012

Link to Part I: Rebuttal to Dad Who Used Facebook to “Teach His Daughter a Lesson”

Link to Part III: Dear Mr. Jordan & Other Parents Frustrated with Teens & Chores

Part IV. Father Who Used FB to Teach His Daughter A Lesson: A Human Rights Issue

Part V. Parenting Without Power (or a gun)

Posted in Fragile Life, Insight, Takes a Village, Teens, Violence in the home

Rebuttal to Dad Who Used Facebook to “Teach His Daughter a Lesson”

Posted on by Kelly (of rituals)

When correcting a child, the goal is to apply light, not heat.

~Woodrow Wilson

La Tour, visipix.com

Is it just me or are there others who are equally disheartened by how many people have applauded the dad who shot his teenager’s computer after she used it to bash him on Facebook?  And I’m not just talking about parents of teenagers. Young people think this guy is cool.

Is this really our country? Is old-fashioned humiliation considered heroic parenting? Are we seriously claiming that intimidation is an expression of love?

I’m sorry, but this particularly obnoxious teenage apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.  You don’t teach someone respect; they learn it.

To be honest, I haven’t read this troubled girl’s Facebook post or her father’s outrageous videotaped response–because I know it would only outrage me further; and what concerns me is not one misguided parent, but all those who applaud him.

Have we become a country that is so afraid of our teenagers that we celebrate their alienation? Do we have so much shame about own youthful abandon that we need punish someone for absolution? Or have teenagers become the scapegoat for our disillusionment with ourselves and this country?

Recently a colleague bemoaned American parenting when she read that French toddlers were capable of sitting at a dinner table for over an hour; while American children demand immediate gratification.

This isn’t about AMERICAN CHILDREN, THIS IS ABOUT AMERICAN CULTURE!

MIRROR, MIRROR, on the wall…

Kelly Salasin, February 2012

Part II. Would Father Have Used Facebook and a Gun to Teach his SON a Lesson?

Part III. Dear Mr. Jordan & Other Parents Frustrated with Teens & Chores

Part IV. Father Who Used FB to Teach His Daughter A Lesson: A Human Rights Issue

Part V. Parenting Without Power (or a gun)

Posted in Mid-Life Mama, Milestone Moments, Sexuality, Teens, Tweens, Underage Drinking & more

TMI

Posted on by Kelly (of rituals)
open clip. art.com by johnny_automatic

Hey Mom, Look at those cats, my son says, pointing to the front porch of an old apartment building in downtown Brattleboro. 

I take a quick look and reach toward his hand to cross the street. We’re rushing  to get to a concert.

How many cats do you see? he asks.

Annoyed, I look back and see three.

I thought there were only two, he explains. Because two of them are connected. What ARE they doing, Mom?

I take another look and notice that one is humping another–right there on the steps in broad daylight in front of my 11 year old (and another cat.)

Um… they’re… they’re… mating, I say.

Right there? he asks.

I know, right? I say; and then I yell: “Hey, get a room!” masking my own discomfort.

“Or at least go under the stairs!” my son bellows.

I smile. These kind of open dialogues with my boys make me happy. Sometimes, I’m taken off guard by their questions, but I stay ahead of them by choosing candidness, especially when it’s uncomfortable. I love it when they can hang in there with me instead of clamming up. It’s promising for our future.

That said, things are getting a bit stickier now that my oldest is 16. The other night, he and his dad were commenting on a friend’s unequal relationship; and I blurted out: What do you two know? Maybe she gives him blow jobs every night!

This was risque, even for me, but I wanted to stop them in their tracks. My husband quickly ducked into the bedroom to avoid any follow up, but not so my son. He just as quickly quipped back: That’s really shallow Mom. Maybe he wants more than that. Maybe he’s looking for a commitment.

I was tickled. Look at that. I can’t even embarrass my son any more. He hangs right in there and dishes it back.

I went to sleep that night proud.

And concerned.

Just a few days later, my teenager turned the tables on me when I asked about the dance.

What kind of dancing? I said.

The grind, he answered.

The WHAT? I asked.

You know, the grind.

You?

Everyone Mom.

But not you?

Yes, Mom, me.

Now it was my turn to turn away. I sputtered and flushed and then threatened to send him to the nearest Christian school. It’s all I could think about for the rest of the night.

Look who has the upper hand with openness now, I thought; and look who taught him.

Kelly Salasin, February 2012